Ah, nature.

So, this guy has made a nest in our front yard. My dad took this video of the nest and the bird.

Hiding Kitteh.

the kitteh is missing. =(

i guess technically the kitteh is just hiding really really well. either way, he needs to be found.


Deutschland war schön. Coachella was life changing.

Visiting Sylvia and her family in Hamburg was such a lovely trip. We began our journey on Thursday March ninth, at nine a.m., in San Diego. Lay over in Boston. Lay over in London. In Hamburg by five p.m. on Friday the tenth. (sixteen hours of flying plus time change...why hello jet lag). We spent the first day (Saturday the eleventh) touring the city. Covered the majority of it by the end of the afternoon. On sunday, we went to the zoo!

You could hand feed the animals and some of the animals weren't even caged. It was fantasic. We then visited with Sylvia's family. Her mother is originally from India, so she prepared indian food for dinner. YUM! We talked about what each of us had been up to, along with sharing stories, and even talking politics. Also a lovely experience. Her and I were talking on the way back to our hotel and she was saying how comfortable things were and it had been seven years since we had last spoke. I am hoping she can come to the states soon to visit us again. And so, on monday we head to the airport at five a.m. to do our flights again. Hamburg > London > Boston > San Diego. Home by eight p.m. Work the next morning at 4:30 a.m. Hooray jet lag! =/

I was home Tuesday and Wednesday, then off to Indio on Thursday for...


I was very anxious about the trip and the company that I would be in. I had a panic attack the night before. Tina and Scotty were my support and I love them so for putting up with my over reaction of concern. The camping turned out to be wonderful. Anthony just ignored me (which was preferable anyways), Nick was polite and said hello, asked how I was doing and introduced his lovely girlfriend, and it took Andrew and I awhile to speak to each other and when we finally did it was very very much small talk (it was pleasant and awkward to talk to him again), and Ian wasn't an issue or weird. Coachella was amazing, as promised. The experience was life-outlook changing. I got to see most of the bands that I intended on seeing and I was exposed to a bunch of new music that I am eager to get into further.

Sir Paul McCartney was a musical experience that I will never forget. I got to see a Beatle! He was worth the money alone. The video I took of him singing hey jude isn't uploading, but hopefully I can figure it out soon.

As for Coachella miracles: I did not get even a hint of a sunburn and I didn't even come close to passing out! Not only am I thankful, I am getting much better at listening to my body and taking care of myself.

Only negative thing in the past two weeks: my side pain has returned and this time it refuses to leave even when I sit down. Time for a CT scan.

Happy happy me. Relaxed me. Going to try my best to keep this feeling.


Excuse my vocabulary...sucky was the best descriptive word I could come up with.

I have been having a pretty sucky year. (year meaning past twelve months, not 2009 specifically). I have spent the majority of it alone and I think what worries me most is I am too comfortable with it. I am comfortable with the idea of anticipation. I have always had a difficult time making a commitment, to anyone or anything really. I am a very organized and planned person, don't get me wrong...but when it comes to long term things I tend to panic and think that I will be stuck there forever. I am currently reading five books (all fantastically written and captivating) and yet I can't settle on just one. I find myself missing characters from books I've read in the past or craving a new character all together. (has anyone caught the metaphor?) I bore too easily, i suppose. Is that a character flaw? Is it simply a matter of strengthening my patience? I'm getting way off topic. The point of my entry is to explore my thoughts on what I really need.

“What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.” - Chuck Palahniuk.

Palahniuk is one of my favorite authors and this quote is quite possibly perfectly structured to express my needs. I never allow anyone to take care of me, I have this undying need to be completely independent and self reliant. But what if nurturing is all I need? What if I just need someone to tell me to just let go? I have felt like something big was going to happen since I was about seventeen. I've been just waiting ever since. I spent three years (17-19) completely tuned out to what was around me and missed everything that was right in front of my face the entire time. And I have spent the past two years trying to make up for all that was lost. Starting over isn't a real thing or even a real idea. I don't want to start over. I don't want to loose any of the memories I made or experiences I have absorbed. Horribly painful or blissfully perfect. I want to feed off of those memories and create something even my fast paced, too-creative-for-it's-own-good mind couldn't have imagined.

You can thank Eternal Sunshine For Spotless Mind for triggering this thought process. If you haven't seen the film, I highly recommend it.